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Dealing With Those Damn Telephone Solicitors
Just as you dig into the pot roast, the ‘phone rings (why does it always happen at suppertime?). It is not Aunt Mabel. It is a young person (why is it they all sound young?) selling siding, doing a “survey,” or begging for a worthy cause.
You might think this kind of intrusion into your home would be a trespass. To the contrary, your friends in the General Assembly have voted to protect these outrages except where you have told a particular business that you don’t want to be called again.
There are several things you can do about this:
I. Keep a police whistle by the ‘phone.
II. Punish them by keeping them talking a long time. (You get extra points for getting them off the script they are reading).
III. Amuse yourself with a speech such as: “You sound like a nice person and I know you have to earn a living. However, the person who hired you to intrude into my home is an antisocial cretin and I hope you’ll tell him I said so.” Or, when they ask for your spouse, say you don’t allow him/her to speak on the telephone. Or see antitelemarketer.com for some really inventive and amusing ways to annoy the callers. Or get Tom Mabe’s famous CD.
IV. Use the answering machine to screen all your calls.
Or you can do something serious.
The first step to getting serious is to turn on your brain and ask why the callers are doing this to you. They do not call because they like you. They do not call because they want to find out how you are doing. They call because they get paid by somebody who makes money from the calls.
So your every action must be designed to increase their costs and decrease their rewards.
I. DO NOT BUY ANYTHING from a telemarketer. Ever. If one calls about something that interests you, go to the Web and find another supplier. Buying from the telemarketer has two Very Bad results: 1. the sale rewards them, and 2. the sale of your name and number to other telemarketers rewards them further.
II. Use the few tools in the weak federal and state laws:
A. Keep a log by the ‘phone. Record EVERY telemarketing call.
B. Write down the full name of the caller and the name of the person or firm he is calling for. If he/she doesn’t tell you this information immediately (as the law requires), ask, “Who is calling, please?”
C. Ask for the telephone number where their advertiser can be reached.
D. Demand that they mail or fax you a copy of their “do not call” policy. (This is VERY important: You don’t want their policy. You DO want to raise their costs. The federal rules require that the policy be available on demand. So demand it. If they don’t send it, see item “F” below).
E. Demand that they put you on their “do not call” list. When they tell you that will take 90 days, tell them your lawsuit won’t take nearly that long if they call you again.
F. PUT ALL THIS IN YOUR LOG. If you get repeat calls, it’s time for a lawyer. You have some interesting remedies, including potential recovery of attorney’s fees. If you don’t know a lawyer, try the State Bar’s referral service.
III. Do not put your name or number in circulation:
A. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER buy anything from a telemarketer. Even if he is honest (Let’s be fair: One or two of them may be more or less honest) he will immediately sell your name and number to other telemarketers.
B. Do not put your phone number on warranty cards, registration cards, customer surveys, or other forms where they don’t really need your number. If they demand a number, lie (your Congressman’s number will work fine).
IV. You could contact the Direct Marketing Association on the Web and pay $5 to get on their do not call list. You can save $4.66 by writing them. (What would you call an organization that would charge you five bucks put you on a list their members could use to avoid invading your home? Arrogant? Obnoxious? Out of touch with reality? Inhuman? All of the above?) Aside from the cost or trouble associated with this, it probably won’t work. See the Private Citizen web site for the scoop on this and for a more effective way to spend your money.
For more information, see the exhaustive list of anti-telemarketer links on Karen Swartz’s website. If you enjoy suffering, see the Virginia statutes and the FCC Rules on the subject.
John Butcher
5/27/02
Last updated 07/25/02
Please send questions or comments to John Butcher